I just want to lock myself in a tiny closet and never let myself out.

The biggest issue I have is I shut down and don’t talk to anyone because there isn’t anyone to talk to…

Maybe it’s not even a legitimate reason to be upset and maybe I’m just overreacting but I feel like shit. I suck and I’m not longer good at the only thing I’ve ever been good at. I literally have no reason to be happy.

You know, you really are a fucking piece of shit. You held up this cute and sweet, I love you and I always will, kind of act and then you just left me. And you weren’t even easy on me about it either…not in the slightest bit. I haven’t talked about you in a while but don’t think one day goes by that I don’t remember where we both went with our lives and how it was so easy for you to leave me behind. You didn’t even have the decency to just let me down easy and tell me you didn’t want me anymore, anything at all. You kept up this act and pretended like you cared and wanted to see me but I knew all along you didn’t. I tried to tell myself all along you were just confused and you would someday, find out that you missed me too and wanted me to come back. I was waiting for that day. For forever. Every day that went by all I did  was think about you and ways that I could get you to love me again. Every day I came home, fell asleep, cried, cut myself, and contemplated killing myself. Funny thing is no one knows I tried. You still don’t and never will. I became so fucked up over that one year that emotionally, I’m unstable in every aspect. I have zero confidence, I have the constant thought and idea that everyone and everything will eventually fuck me over, every little thing that is good in my life has eventually came to an end…all since you left. I just wanted you to come back…so bad, and you left. And it’s not like I was just anyone, I was the only person you opended up to and got to know you. You were always shy and quiet and never opened up to anyone but I got to know the other side of you and you got to know the other side of me. I wasn’t just anyone. You left your other half, your cupcake, your little elf, behind. I just don’t understand how anyone can take something so good and a feeling so strong and just forget that it was ever there. I don’t understand how someone who was once the center of everything to you could become just nothing at all. I guess that I’ll never know that answer though and sometimes it kills me so much to wonder how it would have been…if things went just a little bit differently.